You’ve seen him at all the games. He stands over his players like a cloud of rage, doubt and fear all wrapped up into one. He forms a ring of tension that follows him everywhere he goes. His players are trying not to fail because they’re aware of the verbal abuse that will eventually rain down on them.
You’ve all seen him at the games. His name is Coach.
I’ve certainly had coaches like this. I’m sure most of you reading this have had at least one coach like this in your playing career, or maybe you currently have a boss who fits this description.
If I was a betting man, the above-mentioned coach isn’t in touch with his feelings. Chances are he hasn’t taken the time to pour into himself as a human being to find his PURPOSE and WHY in this life.
When tasked with leading a team, reflection can enhance your leadership skills and ultimately help your team. Reflect on WHY you’re coaching in the first place. Think back to how you treat your players. Are you treating them the way you would want to be treated? Or are you treating them the way your old man or your little league coach treated you? Too many coaches are driven by wins and losses. They treat their players like robots, simply moving a joystick to gain results. They do not value the power of relationships.
Building Relationships = Building Leadership
If you’re going to build relationships by influencing, impacting and motivating players in a positive manner, start by focusing on the internal, rather than the external. The old saying is “they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Show your players that you care about what’s on the inside before you care about what’s on the outside. Sometimes as coaches, we tend to focus too much on the results and coach only the externals (wins, losses, hits, strikeouts, etc). The process shows us that to get the desired results that we want, we must first address what that player and person is made of internally.
People love to throw around the word “buy-in.” In my opinion, it’s just another word that’s been watered down. At the core, buy-in simply means trust. It’s one of the most important factors that we live by. For example, when we fly in an airplane, we trust that the pilots and crew know enough about what they are doing to bring us safely from point A to point B. When we go out to eat at a restaurant, we trust that the chef and his kitchen strive to meet our needs by preparing our meals elegantly.
Relationships are built on trust. It’s the number one factor in having a strong and loving relationship. And I’m not just talking about your life partner. Trustful relationships expand to the workplace and beyond.
A coach that values trust is the coach who becomes a strong leader. He understands that in order to lead, he must first gain the trust of his players. There is a lot of work to be done on his part to gain that trust. He just can’t show up and give a speech at the beginning of the year and expect that his players will immediately buy-in.
Gaining trust from another requires a deep dive into their person. What are their fears? What are their doubts? What do they believe in? Where have they come from? What is their home life like? What are their strengths? WHY do they do what they do? In fact, we did an entire interview on KWB Radio about Teaching the Millennial which you can listen to here.
The answers to these questions will help you gain access into the person you are dealing with. At the end of the day, all the person wants to know is if they matter. Do they matter to the coach, the team or the organization? Is their voice really being heard, or are their leaders just listening to reply, rather than listening to understand and implement?
The Head Leads the Heart and the Hands
Whether you’re a leader of a baseball team or Fortune 100 company, exhibiting good judgment and being capable of leading with passion and PURPOSE sets you apart. You’re not afraid to roll up your sleeves and go to work alongside your people every day.
In 17 years of coaching and leading others, I’ve had life-changing experiences which taught me to double-down on these three aspects of leadership:
- The Head – When making important decisions – whether to steal, down 2 in the 9th inning or hiring a VP of Business Development, it requires the ability to lead with your gut, especially when you’re faced with uncertainty or incomplete information. Exhibiting sound judgment is foundational for any leader.
- The Heart – Leading from your heart creates a genuine connection with your people. Players today demand more from their leader. They expect transparency. They want a coach and leader who stands for more than just Wins and Losses. They want a leader who inspires them with their passion and PURPOSE and shows that they genuinely care about the individual first and the player second.
- The Hands – Great coaches don’t rule from the top step of the dugout. They don’t learn through the grapevine about a player’s issues or differentiating points of view. The great leaders lead – literally. They are not afraid to stand alongside their players, take the shovel and start digging when necessary. By doing this, leaders earned the love, trust and respect, of their players.
How you feel about yourself is the most important factor in your success.
Give Yourself Permission To Love
Love is a powerful word. It brings about feelings and emotions that few other words in the English language can. In my opinion, it should not be flung around carelessly.
With that being said, there are so many leaders and coaches who are scared to love – love on their players, love on their coaches, love on their staff.
And most importantly love themselves.
Universally, love carries a romantic connotation. I myself was afraid to love early on in my career. I wouldn’t give myself permission. I couldn’t tell someone other than my girlfriend or parents that I loved them because I was scared to experience how the other person would react. Would they think I was too touchy-feely? Would a teammate think I was trying to make an advance? I was caught in the middle – frozen on an 0-2 fastball down the middle.
Remember that coach I talked about at the beginning? The one who was full of anxiety, fear, doubt, and rage because he was always looking over his shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop? It’s a classic case of someone whose whole life has been built around the approval of others. He had fear of disapproval and abandonment that drove almost everything he did on the field and was evident for all to see when he unleashed on his players.
If you spend your life seeking approval or rewards from others – whether it’s their love or their acceptance – you will never find the sort of fulfillment that comes from accepting and loving yourself.
Remind your players that you love them. Put your arm around them and go for a walk to find out what they are made of on the inside. If you haven’t already, read the full article on how one walk changed the course of a Major League Baseball player’s season here. Show them you lead with your gut. Lead your team with PURPOSE and show that you genuinely care about each individual. Stand alongside your players, and start pulling the rope with them.
You’ll earn the love, trust and respect, from your players.
Show me a coach who cares about people and I will show you a coach who is successful beyond any box score.
Love,
KW
For more than a decade, Kevin Wilson has been one of the most respected hitting coaches in the game. He works behind the scenes as a private hitting consultant to some of the best hitters in Major League Baseball. In 2013, Kevin was the hitting coach for the USA Baseball 18U National Team. Team USA beat Japan for the Gold medal at the IBAF World Cup in Taichung, Taiwan.
He is the author of the Amazon #1 Best Seller The #GoodBatting Book and co-hosts a popular podcast, KWB Radio, that showcases unique conversations with the pros. If you want Kevin to speak at your next event or if you want take advantage of his popular 2-day KWB Experience for players and coaches, contact Kevin today!
Follow Kevin on twitter @KWBaseball and visit his website KWBaseball.com