The voices inside our head have been there from the day we were born. They have found real estate, built a house and have secured residency. They are the neighbors who never move, never stay quiet and never seem to take a vacation.
Many of us have heard others tell us to “listen to your heart” or “listen to your gut.” when faced with big decisions in our life. While this isn’t necessarily bad advice, it’s certainly limiting.
Throughout a typical day, there are hundreds of voices that dance around in our head. They typically play it safe – frequently talking us out of doing things, as well as create serious doubt during the most significant moments in our life.
Some experts say you should quiet the voices in your head to focus better. You have to find ways to squash the noise, in order to release your anxieties. In theory, this sounds good, but when it’s applied in real life, you can’t just put a band-aid on an open wound.
“Self-talk” is one of the most underutilized tools when it comes to courage, confidence and resilience. And most of us don’t understand that we “talk to ourselves” constantly throughout the day.
For starters, sometimes we talk ourselves into things. We might say, “I know the pitcher has a nasty curveball, so I don’t want to hit that. I can hit his fastball, so with less than two strikes I’m going to get ready to hit only his fastball in my zone.”
On the other hand, we talk ourselves out of things. When thinking about starting a company, we tell ourselves it’s too risky. When trying out for the team in high school, we can find a multitude of excuses why we will never make it. Whatever it is, we are constantly talking ourselves into or out of something.
If we are more conscious and purposeful about the conversations we have with ourselves, the more effective we can be as leaders, coaches, players and human beings.
Going Against The Grain
Exactly ten years ago I decided I wanted to embark on a 10-year plan with the end result being that I would work as a private hitting instructor for Major League and Minor League hitters. I would be a behind the scenes mentor, who would be able to help a hitter not only with his swing, but more importantly his mindset and internal faith.
In 2007 when I made the decision to chase my goal, I was six years into being a successful hitting instructor, giving lessons in and around the Philadelphia area. At that time, I only shared my vision with a few of my closest advisors and mentors. In fact, one of my mentors forecasted it most accurately when he said that in 10 years I would not only achieve my goal, but would find my next 10-year plan in the process. I’m still amazed how accurate he was and I’m so grateful for his guidance and belief in me.
I share this with you because when more and more people found out about my plan, it wasn’t always welcomed with such optimistic and genuine support. I had more than my fair share of doubters, but so is the case with anyone doing something considered “outside of the box.” One person, in particular, scoffed at my idea saying I didn’t have the experience or knowledge at the big league level and that MLB hitters would never trust a guy who never played in the big leagues. If I ever see this person again, I will thank him from the bottom of my heart for doubting me. Because he was the fuel to my fire.
As the doubters entered into my life, the voices in my head became louder and louder. And in a moment of weakness, I thought maybe they could be right. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this dream, and maybe this journey would inevitably end just like my journey playing this game. It was tough not to listen at first because they reminded me of my own fears.
With every step forward I took, my fears followed. They told me everything that could go wrong. They told me I wasn’t qualified. They told me no one else was doing what I do, and it will never catch on. They began tripping me at every step, and at every cross-roads, they tried to steer my ship onto a bed of rocks.
The voice in my head threatened to derail my journey and end my goals and dreams – if only I had listened to them.
I had enough. It was time I stopped listening to myself, and I began talking to myself.
Walk The Talk
I began talking to myself in the mirror, telling myself that I could do this, that I was good enough and I was brave enough. In my car on the way to the facility, I told myself I was “the man.” I constantly talked to myself, instilling any piece of confidence I could day in and day out. I knew I had to be consistent in order to squash the negativity and doubt.
Some days, I felt like it was never going to happen. One rejection after another came through, and those were the moments when I caved and started to listen to myself, “maybe I’m not cut out to do what I’ve been dreaming of.” But then, I forced myself to start talking to myself again, “In every wall there is a door, we just have to find it. Don’t stop. Never quit. Keep going.” It was a never ending cycle of ups and downs, but through it all I worked extremely hard to make sure there wasn’t a day that went by that I talked to myself about what I could do.
And if I had listened to myself instead of talking to myself, I wouldn’t be living out my WHY today – to help, inspire, impact and influence others in a positive manner.
The Road Less Traveled
The self-help market is flooded by so many “roses and rainbow” strategies. People who have never had a bad day, or haven’t experienced trauma in their lives, selling us their “10-steps to becoming a better _________.” Now, I’m not indicating that I wish hard times on you, but if we want to bring a dream into reality, we actually need a few roadblocks and failures in our lives to push us, define us, and reveal our purpose and true WHY. Then, and only then, will be we qualified to share with others the real meaning of perseverance.
So, if we are going to give ourselves the best chance to succeed, we should think about talking to ourselves more and listening to ourselves less. Because if we listen to ourselves, the little person on our shoulder will probably undersell our talents, squash our dreams and prevent us from living a life filled with purpose.
How we react to a situation can literally change the situation itself, so talk your way into becoming that person you are called to be.
Love,
KW
For more than a decade, Kevin Wilson has been one of the most respected hitting coaches in the game. He works behind the scenes as a private hitting consultant to some of the best hitters in Major League Baseball. In 2013, Kevin was the hitting coach for the USA Baseball 18U National Team. Team USA beat Japan for the Gold medal at the IBAF World Cup in Taichung, Taiwan.
He is the author of the Amazon #1 Best Sellers The #GoodBatting Book and Finding Clarity: A Mindful Look Into the Art of Hitting and co-hosts a popular podcast, KWB Radio, that showcases unique conversations with the pros. If you want Kevin to speak at your next event or if you want take advantage of his popular 2-day KWB Experience for players and coaches, contact Kevin today!
Follow Kevin on twitter @KWBaseball and visit his website KWBaseball.com